Cage (1989)

Tagline:

Only the winner gets out alive.

Movie Review:

Billy and Scott, hanging out since 1969!

You push play and find yourself in Vietnam, 1969. Intense POV shots take you through the jungle as the sounds begin to come to life; bullets are whizzing by, Reb Brown is screaming, voices become clearer from all sides, then the explosions start! Man, now THAT'S how you start a movie! A group of four guys are trying to make it to their landing zone but the enemy is seemingly everywhere. They get where they're supposed to be but the chopper is late! Holding out as best as they can four become three, and then two... It's only Bill and Scott (Ferrigno and Brown) left standing as the helicopter sets down. Bill throws a fallen soldier over his shoulder and heads for relative safety as Scott tries to find an opening. He finds it, but just as he reaches out the bullets hit him. My, this is exciting, isn't it? Bill reaches out and grabs hold of his friend as they start to take off. He's got a good grip since he's strapped himself to the pilot's seat but just then... A bullet catches him in the temple! He hangs on, they get away, but their lives will be forever changed. THIS IS ALL BEFORE THE OPENING CREDITS! 

Billy needs that bullet like he needs a hole in the... Oh.

Recovery is a long and arduous process for the both of them, especially Billy. He's suffered serious brain damage and is left with the mind of a child. It becomes clear that Scott will be by his side, no matter what, helping him as much as he can to get healthy and learn to live life again. It feels like Scott figures every minute of the life he now gets to live is thanks to Billy and so there isn't anything he won't do for the man that gave him that second chance. Together, they make up the action movie equivalent of Bert and Ernie. Let's jump ahead to Los Angeles, 1989. Scott owns a bar frequented by vets and Billy helps out. Scott is equal parts friend, guardian, big brother, etc. It's also now that we're introduced to some shady shenanigans happening elsewhere in town. Illegal underground death matches fought in a cage and overseen by Yin (Shigeta), the local leader of the Tongs (Chinese Mafia).  

Ear today! Gone Tomorrow!

Back at the bar we learn through exposition that the guys are having money troubles and things are starting to get serious. Then, an 80's gang walks in and starts trouble, that is, they give trouble a shot before our heroes kick the living snot out of 'em. Scott still has the skills to kill and Billy doesn't take kindly to people messing with his best friend. While all of this is going on two guys, Tony and Mario, who stopped in to drown their sorrows after landing themselves a healthy debt with Yin see what's going on and start getting some ideas. The initial offer to fight is of course dismissed but guys like that, they don't take no so easily. They hire the punks that caught the earlier beat-down to burn up the bar forcing the financial stress angle. That happens, but somebody was inside when the place went up...

This guy's batty!

Their bar is the town's hot spot!

It turns out that Tony and Mario owe money to other dangerous people already and time is running out for them. So, they wait for a chance to get Billy alone and, with the story that Scott wants them to look after him, they manage to lure him away. They see Billy as their only way out of trouble and are hell-bent on tricking him into fighting in order to make that fast money. Finding his friend gone, Scott turns to the police who are, predictably, no help at all. He won't stand for that, not at all, and essentially goes on a rampage while tracking Billy down! He leaves a significant amount of fire and bullets in his wake while closing in on the secret location of the next match. 

Apple turnover anybody?

Reb Brown! Equal opportunity destroyer!

All this covers the first half or so of the movie. There's a lot more going on as well; a strange woman with a camera, a mysterious cop who hangs around but makes no moves, secret identities, other fights, etc. Truth is, there's a lot to discuss! I've decided to let most of it go so as not to ruin the enjoyment for any potential fans. CAGE gives you a lot of movie for your money, and that's terrific. Not to mention the car chases, splattery squibs, brutal battles to the death, and more! Solid action for sure but what might surprise many is Ferrigno's turn as the child-like Billy.

Everybody is great, there are no complaints, but Lou truly stands out. I have a weakness for stuff like this. What can I say? I'm a sensitive guy! You feel for Billy, you care what happens to him. It's a fantastic performance and it's a memorable one. Reb is no joke either! Really, everybody flies high in CAGE. There's always something interesting happening so it's an absolute blast to watch from start to finish! I have to give an honorable mention to Al Ruscio as Costello. In his first five minute scene he packs in enough outrageous political incorrectness for three or four different movies. And he often left me laughing before he was done. CAGE is highly recommended!

And she's buying the stairway to heaven....

Notes:

• This movie would seem to be a loose remake of Heart of Dragon, a Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung Hong Kong movie from 1985. 
• Cameo: Look for 80's wrestling personality Queen Kong in the 'pool hall/hangout' scene. 
• Cameo: Look for Danny Trejo in a uncredited part as a gangster named Danny. 
• Cameo: Look for Matthias Hues as the Italian fighter.
• The actor who played Yin's champion fighter, Chang, was played by Tiger Chung Lee. He had a wrestling background as well. This was his last role until 2012.
• Director Lang Elliot was not known for action when he made this movie. He had plenty of experience working on Tim Conway and Don Knotts films though!
• There is a sequel, CAGE II, which reunites Lou and Reb and also adds Shannon Lee and Leo Fong!
• Pictures displayed are definitely a low-budget endeavor and are meant only to indicate content and are in NO WAY meant to reflect the quality of the presentation.

Reviewed by Xtro the Mutilator

Billy! Don't be a hero!

Trailer:

Robowar (1989)

Movie Review:

This review has been a long time coming. In fact I had sent a copy of this obscurity to Matt over at the DTV Connoisseur for review, which he did here. I'd randomly tripped over this film during an internet search many years back, watched an online copy and fell in love. Robowar was the movie that opened my eyes to the world of 1980's Italian Hollywood rip-offs and continued my love affair with the amazing director of schlock, Bruno Mattei (credited here as Vincent Dawn). I've reviewed his awesome Strike Commando series and Brent Huff's fantastic Cop Game before; but Robowar is, as far as I'm concerned, the jewel of Bruno Mattei's very shiny crown.

Robowar is essentially a Predator rip-off, but with parts Terminator, Robocop and Filipino jungle war action madness to boot. Reb Brown and his team of mercenary fighters are recruited by the military to hunt guerrilla fighters in the jungle - OR SO THEY THINK. They are picked because they are the best of the best; and because of their nickname of B.A.M - Bad ass mother-fuckers. The mission is of course a ruse, as the B.A.M. soon find out that they are sent to stop an out of control robot called Omega 1, a prototype droid that has gone amuck in the jungle, once they notice that guerillas start getting shot at by firey red laser death just as the B.A.M. are.

Reb Brown is fast becoming one of my favourite actors of the 80's. Sure he's no thespian, but man does he have fun in the roles. From Yor the Hunter of the Future, to Sgt. Michael Ransom in Strike Commando, Dave Ryder in IMDB Bottom 100 movie Space Mutiny and here as Maj. Murphy Black, Reb Brown yells, shoots and beats up dinosaurs straight into the warmest cockles of my heart. He doesn't get as many great lines in Robowar as he gets in Strike Commando, but he does yell a lot and mow down half the jungle with his machine gun so that's fine by me. He also struts into this movie on a boat wearing a blue tank top with a PICTURE of a boat on it. Amazing.

The characters in Robowar are carbon copies of Predator's; you get the double-crossing officer that sends them on this mission and accompanies them, revealing the true mission half way through. There's the beefcake with a giant gun (Romano Puppo, Cop Game). The guy that wants to take on Robo with a knife (Max Laurel, Cop Game). The wise-cracking guy that dies early (Jim Gaines, Blood Hands, Strike Commando 2). And... well, we get a guy in a beard smoking a pipe. This is the single funniest image I've ever seen in an action movie and I present it for you below. Oh and they also rescue a girl that was being chased by the militia for sport (Catherine Hickland from Sweet Justice and Witchcraft, with Linda Blair and David Hasselhoff!).

The robot itself is absolutely hysterical. We are treated to it as early as the opening credits where we see through its eyes in Predator/T-800 vision and its incoherent robotic babble. ON TARGET ON TARGET. RECEIVE RECEIVE. FIRE FIRE FIRE. There is some contention out there in Internet-land that the robot is saying GREASY GREASY, which if true, is the funniest thing I've ever heard. The closest example of a droid that sounds like this would be the non-Number 5 robots (i.e robots 1 through 4) from the Short Circuit movie. If one of them shouted GREASY GREASY when firing red laser death at Number 5 I think I would have lost it.

And the robot's costume. Hahaha. It's the cheapest mix of a motorbike helmet and bondage suit leathers you will ever see. He has wrist mounted lasers which, I have to say, actually look halfway decent when being fired (that firey red laser death again). With respect to other effects in the movie, they are all practical and most of the time massive explosions of unarmed huts. OH and the music! The theme song to Robowar is pretty fun, but the best song is this power-rock ballad that's actually quite a fast song, and is played solely when the B.A.M. are SLOWLY CREEPING THROUGH THE JUNGLE. The misuse of this song is brilliant; it's the kind of song to play to a kickboxing match and not when soldiers are trying not to make the leaves rustle to loudly.

The key difference to Predator is the reveal of the Omega 1 - stop reading this paragraph if you don't want to know the answer - as it just happens to be Reb Brown's old Vietnam war buddy under that suit, who he thought had died (cue flashback) By the end of the film the robot is tired of wrecking havoc and looks into Rebs eyes, lowers his mask and in a very "I cannot self terminate" pre-homage to Terminator 2 (who says these Italian rip-offs cant inspire future Hollywood blockbusters!) says "DESTROY ME. DO IT.", handing him a detonator remote. Reb then jumps down the waterfall that's in every Bruno Mattei Filipino jungle movie and the Omega 1 blows to bits.

his isn't just sci-fi silliness, this is an all out action extravaganza. After all, it's a ripoff of three of the greatest 80's action movies made so you would expect the explosion-quota to be high. Some of the scenes are frame-by-frame accurate to Predator (see the video below the trailer for comparisons) so there are moments when the B.A.M. lay waste to the jungle with automatic weapons, throw grenades and knives at militia members (complete with lines that even Schwarzenegger would reject) and try to take out the robot by whatever means possible.

So yeah. Robowar. You'll have an absolute whale of a time with this and I was giggling with schoolboy glee remembering the best parts of the movie as I typed up this review. Best movie ever. An absolute crying shame that this is not on DVD. I'd love for Midnight Legacy to make this their next release - are you listening guys? I might just watch it again now.

The Video:

This is not available on DVD, not in any legitimate fashion anyway. There were a few VHS releases around the world but the Japanese one is the best as it's widescreen. It took me a long time (and a not unsubstantial amount of money) to track down an original tape, but for most people going "grey market" will be your best option. The DVDR's of the Japanese tape will have burned-in Japanese subtitles but aside from that, it's a pleasing picture with clear sound. Runtime approx. 90 minutes.

Sourced From:

eBay, on Japanese VHS, for a princely sum.

Trailer:

More Screens:

"Don't Move." (not as good as "Stick Around").

Double Feature: Strike Commando I & II (1987/1988)

Movie Review:

It's a crying shame that most of Bruno Mattei's movies are not easily obtainable on DVD. Hell of the Living Dead would have to be the easiest to locate, and Rats: Night of Terror isn't hard to find either. Even Cruel Jaws got an Italian DVD release. I really don't understand however why his best (and by that I definitely mean most entertaining, not most accomplished) movies - Robowar, Born to Fight, Shocking Dark and the two Strike Commando films featured here - are not available on anything except hard to find VHS tapes.

That being said, the first Strike Commando VHS can be picked up on Amazon for a few dollars, but what I have here are the two Japanese tapes. I've recently started collecting these (Phantom Soldiers was the first) and they do tend to go for a bit of coin on eBay, but hey.. you have to collect something, right? Right? Right.

Strike Commando

"When I used to steal watermelon down in Alabama I only had to climb fences, not cut them."

Reb Brown as Sgt. Michael Ransom and his team of strike commandos are sent in to blow a munitions depot in Vietnam, their Major and Colonel waiting on the outskirts with a plunger to blow the planted demolitions. Reb Brown takes point, sneaks in and stealthily knives guards and fires crossbows while planting the explosives. With still a minute on the clock, Reb is noticed by one of the guards who fires at him and alerts the other guards. All hell breaks loose and the Colonel not waiting for the timer to run out, and not listening to the Major, orders the depot destroyed. The whole thing explodes and the commandos, except for Reb Brown, all perish. The Colonel mutters something about "The mission above all else."

Then next thing Reb Brown knows is waking up to the face of a ghostly figure in a wooden hut; he screams, falls out the side and hangs on a rope by his feet. It turns out he's been captured by a local Vietnamese tribe who a hiding from the Viet-cong who instead of killing him chant "A-merry-can! A-merry-can!" over and over. Their leader, a Frenchman named Le Due, begs for his help to lead the tribe to safety and he agrees. On the way they trip over a radio and a very pissed off Reb calls home, out for the Colonel's blood. The Major tells the Colonel that Reb is the best and he should watch out.

"The rest of strike commando demands vengeance! They all demand justice!"

The Major is sent in a chopper to retrieve Reb though of course it's not made easy for either of them with all the vietcong around. There's plenty of jungle warfare scenes, vietcong soldiers in pointy hats firing automatic weapons wildly at Reb and missing, grenades blowing up small sea craft etc. Out of nowhere a huge Russian goliath, Jakoda, strangles Le Due to death then he kicks a cobra (yes, really). Reb pulls a Russian badge torn from Jakoda's shirt out of Le Due's dead hands and pockets it. Eventually Reb makes a run for the chopper through rice patties being shelled with mortars, and gets picked up by the chopper.

It all ramps up a notch when after debriefing, Reb returns to get photographic evidence of the Russian influence in the area. Reb finds all the vietnamese tribe dead except for the child who in his dying throes tells Reb that the huge Russian goliath Jokda killed them all and asks about Disneyland. Reb loses his shit and M16's the huts to pieces. That's called 'showing emotion', but all it does is get Reb captured by Jakoda (who calls him an "Americanski" to prove he's Russian) then tortures him. Of course he eventually escapes his captors and decimates everything in his path.

"Disneyland! Popcorn and ice cream grow on trees! Anything you want can be granted to you by the genie in the lamp!"

This movie is hilarious and a real good time. That's why I decided to bold so many of the best lines, and believe me there are plenty more I'm leaving you to find for yourself. Some lines are obvious terrible attempts at humour and others, like Reb's sweet conversation with the Vietnamese child, are so cringeworthy you can't not laugh at them. The body count is also vast, almost up there with Phantom Soldiers, and there are plenty of exploding huts to look out for. Reb is great in his usual way but just not quite as awesome as he is in Predator-ripoff Robowar. He does play a pretty great Rambo-ripoff though.

"Amerrrriicannnskiiiiii!!!!!"

Strike Commando is a great 85 minute action-filled ride that gets better with each viewing. Yes, it's tragically bad, but that's what we're here for. Perfect for a loud, beer fuelled evening with mates. Hell it even has a cock fight, and by that I do mean chickens. Also, best going-apeshit ending to a film, ever. See this movie.

(Here's a great Reb Brown motage video!)

Strike Commando 2

"I've come to kill you."

Sgt. Michael Ransom is back, this time portrayed by Brent Huff (Born to Fight, Cop Game, Armed Response... some real pearler 80's trash and an actor I really need to get more DVDs of) who plays it less far less straight than Reb Brown did. Ransom wakes in his bed after a flashback-to-war nightmare played in slow motion to one of his ex-army buddies telling him his old commanding officer, Major Vic Jenkins (played by veteran actor Richard Harris), is being held captive by the CIA and to go talk to a guy called Peter Rogue to get information. So Ransom goes and beats the crap out of Rogue until he tells him where Jenkins is being held then sets out to rescue him. Upon arriving Ransom quickly learns that the obviously free Major Jenkins isn't being held captive but is hiding out for a secret operation. Seconds later a helicopter flies by, yells to Ransom that he isn't the one they are after and after a few scuffles on the ground with some Filipino's and a KGB guy in a white suit, take Jenkins hostage - for real this time.

A ransom video is sent, with Jenkins detailing the terrorist's demands for ten million dollars worth of diamonds to be dropped at a certain place. Ransom pissed off about the demand for, uh, ransom, volunteers to go and rescue his old Major from the KGB though it doesn't go easy for him. With the ransom diamonds on his possession, his own boat crew try to mug him, but they are easily dispatched with in Rambo-style ways.

"I've never been sure if women are courageous because they are stupid, or stupid because they are courageous."

Now is when it gets funny. Ransom arrives at a bar that is the same damn bar from Raiders of the Lost Ark, complete with similar female bar-owner playing drinking games with the local clients for cash. Her name is... Rosanna Boom. Baha! That's as good as Homer Simpsons' pseudonym Max Power. Anyway, she's a sassy woman just like Marion Ravenwood and gives Ransom shit, but before they can get into too much of a love/hate relationship, some evil music plays and the KGB guy in a white suit - flagged by ninjas of course - enters the bar, introduces himself as Kramet and demands the diamonds. Ransom hands them over but the Kramet is infuriated to discover they are fakes and crushes them in his KGB hands, then unleashes the ninjas in a hilarious display of backflips and "Hai! Hai! Hwah! HI-YAH!" During the fight a ninja is set alight and Rosanna Boom reveals that she is storing boxes of dynamite in the bar for some reason. The whole place explodes and everyone flees to the forest.

Whereas Strike Commando was a war action movie, Strike Commando 2 is definitely an action adventure. It's clear Mattei was trying to combine Indiana Jones with Rambo and the result I think is brilliant (for a B-movie of course). Mattei has managed to get some of the most memorable scenes and characters from Raiders of the Lost Ark and merge them with Rambo III and even a few lines from Predator for good measure and a torture scene from Lethal Weapon 2! It's definitely a more coherent movie than the first and feels like much more effort went in to making a better picture, but the rip-off lines are just shameless. "There's something in the trees", "Turn around".. all the Predator favourites are here.

"I have a shocking surprise for you."

Ransom and Boom (what a name for a partnership!) agree to work together to find the guy holding Jenkins ransom, Huan To. It all goes a bit jungle-warfare again here, but I don't want to say much else about the stuff that follows as it will ruin the HUGE and OBVIOUS twist. I will reveal that the movie does culminate in Rosanna dressing up as a Filipino hooker, a ninja getting shot in the back during a swordplay demonstration, an explosive escape in a stolen truck and a helicopter flyover resulting in total machine-gun destruction of some huts. Ransom also goes apeshit with his machine gun just like the first movie, screaming "RAARRRGHHHHH!!!!!".

Special mention must go to the music - it's brilliant. There are three distinct pieces of music: the suspenseful seg-way used when evil people are on the screen or Ransom is hiding behind a door, the Indiana Jones theme ripoff played when Ransom is swining from vines and kicking Ninja arse, and the Carry On style slapstick tune. The best part about it is the slapstick music is sometimes played over serious scenes.

In my opinion, as good as the first movie is, this one has the edge. The first was played entirely straight which made the funny scenes hilarious in a 'bad movie' kind of way. The sequel has genuine comedic moments which are funny, usually in their failed attempt at being funny. The best line by far would have to be this interchange between Rosanna Boom and Kramet:

Kramet: "I hate women."
Rosanna: "Yeah I have a lot of gay friends too."
Kramet: "I HATE QUEERS."
Rosanna: "You're hurting me!"

Just like the first Strike Commando, make sure you track down and watch the sequel. They run together well as a double feature as the second isn't just more of the same, but it's familiar enough to keep a theme going. I think the best way to end this double-feature review is with a line from the man Sgt. Michael Ransom himself:

"How do you say goodbye in Russian? Auf Wiedersehen!"

The Video:

Both pictures are on the soft side and washed out but unless a DVD ever comes out, these are definitely the best ways to watch the movies. The first Strike Commando is presented in 4:3 and there are scenes that are obviously trimmed to fit the screen. The sequel however is presented in roughly 1.78:1 letterbox and blows up quite nicely on a 16:9 display. The sound on both are fine with nice and clear explosions.

Sourced From:

Two separate eBay sellers for a pretty penny each. For a rough idea of what to expect, I paid AU$20 and AU$40 plus postage for each of these tapes and I think I got pretty lucky. Runtime about 90 minutes each.

Trailers:

More Screens:

Strike Commando:

Strike Commando 2: