TC 2000 (1993)

Tagline:

The year is 2020. He's mostly human and totally invincible. Until now...

Movie Review:

I saw this a couple of days ago in one of the local-ish video stores that I insisted with a mate that we just had to go in to. They were flogging off all their VHS for cheap and I got a few more beauties for the collection, one of them being this Billy Blanks, Bolo Yeung, Jalal Merhi, Bobbie Phillips and Matthias Hues sci-fi action movie, TC 2000. For a moment when I saw the cover and Jalal Merhi and Matthias Hue's inclusion I thought TC 2000 was just a localised pseudonym for Talons of the Eagle. But with neither of those having Bolo Yeung I knew I was getting an action movie I did not already own. And with this stellar line up how could this be anything but awesome?

It's the near future and like any good B-grade sci-fi future, it's a dystopian one. The rich live beneath the surface of the planet because of all the pollution that has ruined the atmosphere. The poor are exiled to fend for themselves in an Escape from New York way of life on the surface. We never see any actual evidence of this pollution but we do see the usual gangs dressed as punks and old women wrapped in grey blankets by barrels on fire. Billy Blanks plays the awesomely named Jason Storm and lives to protect the rich people as a "tracker"; basically a special security force that keep the riff-raff away from the snotty rich folk. His partner is Zoey, played by Bobbie Phillips (who is a very attractive actress whose also been in Back in Action with Blanks, and three TV sci-fi movies called Chameleon).

Blanks and Zoey are called to a routine mission to stop some surface scum infiltrating the underworld. During the recognisance Blanks sees that they have a piece of Tracker hardware that allows them access to the base freely. Then there's a pretty good shoot-out here and Zoey, when looking in the wrong direction, is shot by the rebel leader Niki Picasso (Jalal Merhi, whose having a whale of a time in this role, complete with Che Guevara hat). Blanks has a pretty hilarious "you're not gonna die on me now" blub as he holds her in his arms and even pulls out a "Nnnnooooooooo!".

After the funeral he runs into his boss and tells him he's quitting being a Tracker now that his partner is dead (who unbeknownst to him, is being resurrected as a cyborg - in a slutty outfit!). His boss gets pissed at this and demands Blanks has his tracker implants removed. Next thing Blanks knows, he wakes up at home and is being attacked by thugs and his place is being trashed. He throws a couple of TV's at them (seriously) then flees. Blanks must now survive on the surface world, and he forms an alliance with Bolo Yeung to get revenge on Picasso for killing his partner. He learns from Bolo about the weapons plant that will soon drop a bomb on the planet and wipe out all life so that the underworld can reclaim the surface, so he decides to kill two birds with one fist-sized stone.

My colleague in bad cinema Ty at Comeuppance Reviews did not think much of this movie. I will have to politely disagree with my learned friend in this case as I thought that this was a ripping example of bad sci-fi action. It had everything in it that you need (with the possible exception of boobs); martial arts, firearms, bad sets, worse effects, technobabble, Billy Blanks flat-top, Billy Blanks facial expressions, Bolo Yeung's in-proportionate physique, a smoking hot blonde cyborg in a slutty outfit and a countdown clock that is stopped two seconds before the world is destroyed. Sure a lot of the movie doesn't make real sense but as we've discussed many, many times before, if the action quotient is high enough you forget about the inconsistencies in the plot.

That's definitely where TC 2000 excels - the action! It basically doesn't stop for a breather, or if it does it's only for a few minutes. There's the initial operation with Blanks, then he has a fight with Mathias Hues, then there's the killing of his partner, a street fight between Bolo Yeung and some randoms, fights with the rebels (actually they are called Lifers), and a big showdown with everyone beating on everyone else... AND we even get not one, not two but THREE training montages! All the main five players in the movie put on a good martial arts show and I was especially impressed with Bobbie Phillips high-kicks.

There is one downside to TC 2000 and that is Matthias Hues; he's not in it enough. We see him get his arse handed to him in a sparring match with Blanks early on in the movie and it's revealed that the two aren't on the best of terms. He really only pops up a few times briefly before the final bout at the end of the movie. Such a shame as you can never have too much Hues.

This movie comes highly recommended to fans of movies like American Cyborg: Steel Warrior and Timecop. Great stuff!

The Video:

Really good quality print on this VHS, in full-screen of course. IMDB says the movie should be 1.85:1 but I don't think any home versions exist in that ratio. Runtime 91 minutes.

Once again I'm too lazy to encode the video to get some screenshots so these are photos I found on Google Images. Cheers to those that originally took them.

Sourced From:

Ex-rental CIC VHS for $2.

Trailer:

More Screens:

Low Blow (1986)

Tagline:

When the odds are against you... Hit first, hit hard, and hit with a LOW BLOW. Man's deadliest weapon is still his fist.

Back of DVD:

On the outskirts of San Francisco, a killer is loose, armed only with his mind. The leader of a mind-warping cult, Yarakunda (Cameron Mitchell) needs only to utter a few words to send his followers on a rampage of murder and destruction. When the daughter of wealthy industrialist, Templeton (Troy Donahue), falls under his evil spell, Templeton decides to fight back. He hires an ex-cop, Joe Wong, turned private investigator who is known on the street for getting jobs done. With the help of 5 special underground martial arts fighters, they penetrate the commune on a dangerous rescue and destroy mission.

Movie Review:

First some corrections. That poster, as cool as it is, has nothing to do with anything. The poster would have you believe this movies is about some sort of vigilante trucker who takes on the local punk gang. There's no-one in Low Blow that looks anything like anyone in that poster, especially not Leo Fong who is the complete antithesis of that muscly guy! Also, it appears to me that the Yarakunda cult don't do anything except sew crops, let alone raise insane killers.

Written, produced by and starring Leo Fong I knew this would be a crazy low budget affair from the outset. A robbery is taking place at the local deli. Fong hears gunfire from his office so comes down to investigate, opens the door and shouts to the cook "Hey, where's my ham sandwich!". The gunmen order him to sit down, but Fong takes out his pistol and shoots the gun men dead. He turns to leave then quips "Forget about the sandwich". Excellent start.

Fong gets chewed out at the police station by the Captain ("I aughta nail your ass to the wall!") and he is reminded that he is no longer a cop. Cut to a scene of a girl at some sort of cult commune being brainwashed by a blind guy in a black cape (Cameron Mitchell), then back to Fong at a cafe ordering chicken soup. The chef really puts on the "me so solly" routine as he takes a live chicken and chops it up (off camera) for the soup, but Fong stops short of eating it when he hears somebody being mugged in the street. He runs to help, beats up the muggers and gives them the advice "I never wanna see you again." Fong retires to his beaten up jalopy of a car, swears at it in Chinese then drives away.

This movie had absolutely no budget; surely less than something like Ghetto Blaster. They afforded widescreen cameras which is something in 1986 but I think that left no money for an audio guy or a cast that could act. This isn't a huge problem though because Low Blow is an absolute riot. I had my mouth open in disbelief for the first fifteen minutes it was so much fun.

Leo Fong can't act. He is atrocious and has less facial expressions than Keanu Reeves. He also can't fight very well. There's one scene when he trashes a car with a plank of wood but it's like watching an old woman bat somebody with her handbag. It doesn't matter though because he does it all so hilariously you just keep watching. He is also a hysterical driver, one of the intentional pieces of comedy constantly used throughout the movie. Leo drives badly but he parks much worse, always driving the car up the curb or hitting it into a pylon; it's fantastic stuff.

As we've learnt, Fong is no longer a cop. He is in fact a Private Investigator and bounty hunter, and obviously quite a bad one too as he doesn't seem to be able to pay his bills. Fong sits in his disgraceful office in a singlet top and not much else. A client does come to see him though - John Templeton, form John Templeton International. His daughter, Karen has been missing for two weeks and he wants her found. She seems to have run off to join the aforementioned Yarakunda cult. We see her in the yard with a dozen other workers ploughing the field, receiving a pep talk from the crazy second-in-charge Karma (Akosua Busia). She's a total nutter and it becomes increasingly obvious over the course of the film that she is taking advantage of the leader of the cult, Yarakunda himself (also known as Papa.. hahaha), that blind old man in a black cape that preaches love and peace - not at all the sewing of seeds and general warmongering promoted by Karma. The woman is clearly possessed and in need of an Exorcist in this scene (check out the video links at the end of this review).

Fong starts investigating the case and asks around town about Karen. He attends a lecture on Yarakunda and discovers that the woman Karma is actually a con pulling a scam to get peoples money. The lecturer warns Fong away from going, but determined to solve the case and get the girl back, Fong starts recruiting fighters from boxing rings and street hustling to help infiltrate the commune. A little later on he even holds a fighting competition in a dirt pit to find the best fighters; one of the winners is a huge muscle lady! Funny, funny stuff.

It seems that once you are in this cult you are here to stay. A kid, clearly now disinterested in the teachings and ploughing, tries to escape but is quickly brought down by Karma's cronies and thrown into a cell. Fong drives his jalopy to the commune and posing as a reporter gains entrance. This is short-lived as the cronies run a check on his licence plate, discover he is a P.I. and throw him in the cell with the kid after a brief torture session (Karma bites his ear and kicks him in the nuts!). He comes up with a hilarious attempt to escape by lighting a barrel on fire and beating up the guards when they come in to attend to it. Leo and the kid steal a commune car and escape, the kid firing a shotgun out the rear window and Fong driving through a meticulously erected wall of cardboard boxes!

Eventually Fong get's his gang of temporary mercenaries together and they infiltrate the commune and obviously rescue the girl. The best part of this is seeing a young Billy Blanks in his first ever role losing to Fong's awesome display of martial arts!

There is a lot of funny bad action in Low Blow, I couldn't possibly list all the highlights, and at only 86 minutes the movie does not overstay it's welcome (though 75 minutes would have made it tighter). My second favourite scene is the one I mentioned earlier of Fong trashing a car with a plank. This is special because not only are the occupants still in the car, but once he gets bored with the plank he cuts through the roof with a readily available circular saw! By the end only the bare frame of the car is left.

My absolute favourite scene, which you can also see in the clips below, is a fight between Fong and a beefy guy. The guy strangles Fong and says "I got you now, Chinaman!" Fong wrestles the guy to the ground and in a display of brute strength punches through his face, leaving a puddly mess of skin and bones! Totally over the top. I love it.

There are plenty of clips on YouTube of this great movie, mostly supplied by the one dedicated user. Make sure you check them out, then find a copy of the movie, invite your friends around and drink to Leo Fong!

Clips:

• Leo Fong orders a ham sandwich and kicks your ass!
• Leo Fong orders chicken feet soup and kicks your ass!
• Leo Fong destroys ethnic stereotypes!
• Leo Fong destroys your car!
• Leo Fong crushes your head!
• Leo Fong kicks Billy Blanks' ass!
• Akosua Busia preaches the word of Yarakunda! Yarakunda! Yarakunda!
• Bad actor takedown!

The Video:

Surprisingly for a movie of this vintage and obviously low budget the picture was sharp and clear for the most part, and 16:9 enhanced (though the bit was not set on the DVD and required manual switching). The problem is the audio. I'm sure the DVD is a clear representation of the source material, but that source material is bad. Half the cast mumble their lines, especially Fong, and it doesn't help that the soundtrack never stops. Some scenes require the cast to shout at each other which just causes bad audio clipping. I think they must have borrowed some knackered microphones from the local school!

Trailer:

Back in Action (1993)

Tagline:

One cop. One Vigilante. One Mission. One Chance.

Back of DVD:

An undercover drug bust in L.A. goes badly wrong. The most notorious drug smuggling ring in Los Angeles, the Kasanjian gang, is duped into making a deal with the undercover cops. When the ruse goes astray, an out and out gunfight ensues. Los Angeles Police Detective Rossi (Roddy Piper) witnesses his partner brutally murdered in the melee as the gangsters escape. Rossi isn't the only man determined to destroy the gang. Bill (Billy Blanks), an ex-member of Special Forces and a martial arts expert, is also after the gang when his sister disappears after getting embroiled in the gang's affairs. The stage is set for an all-out confrontation...

Movie Review:

What a fantastic duo - Billy Blanks, the inventor of Tae-bo martial arts and star of Bloodfist, Wrong Bet/Lionheart and King of the Kickboxers, and Rowdy Roddy Piper, an 80's WWF wrestler and star of John Carpenter's They Live. With those two on the cover you can expect some arse-kicking action. This can't possibly go wrong.

Piper is going undercover at a drug deal with his partner and backup. As Roddy Piper bluffs his way through the deal Billy Blanks shows up in his cab (he's a cab driver, and his name in this is, creatively, Billy. They wanted to call him Ernie but Blanks tae-bo'd the Producer to the head. Probably.) His sister, Tara, is in one of the gang member's cars quietly minding her own business but Billy wants to save her (she's in with the wrong crowd, etc.). He upsets a thug in the way by beating him senseless and accidentally firing his machine gun. "Setup!" cries the lead bad guy in sunglasses (we learn later his name is Chakka) and it's on for young and old. There's a huge gun fight and in the process a barrel gets drilled with holes and water leaks out of it. Also Piper's partner gets shot. Not only shot but Chakka - after ensuring that Piper is watching - slits his throat. Cold, man. Later the escaped gang members get to a boat and Chakka kills one of his wounded men. Real cold.

Blanks escapes with his sister. A reporter, Helen (Bobbie Phillips, who went on to star as a cyborg in a Die Hard ripoff called Chameleon, and its two sequels. Must track those down!) starts asking Piper questions but he avoids her. He's sleeping with her later; not sure how that happened, I must have blinked and missed it. Anyway the escaped gang members hand over the drugs and money to their boss Kasajian who orders Billys sister killed because they assume she was the snitch. When Blanks turns up at a bar looking for his sister he ends up getting in a three way fight with her sisters boyfriend and gang associates as well as Piper who is at the same bar with Helen. It's pretty funny seeing a tae-bo vs. wrestling punch-up. Piper says he "hate's that karate shit" and tries to take Blanks in. Instead tables and chairs get thrown around and Blanks escapes. Then Piper buys Helen a cactus which she says is "sweet". Sorry but I found that hilarious.

I know some movies write up that you are about to see some "non-stop action" but in this case it's actually completely accurate. Whenever Blanks is on the screen he is beating somebody senseless. Piper gets his share of the action as well but it's really Billy Blanks' martial arts prowess on display here and the director knows this and focuses on it. Twin henchmen in matching blue wrestling singlets, matching zebra pants and matching Freddie Mercury moustaches come to Billy's place to kill his sister, to which he thrashes them in his white denim shorts with an ironing board. I rewound this scene and watched it again.

All the best fights are played in slow motion so you can see Billys' foot connect with some chumps face in clear detail. Blanks goes to a drag race to find the henchman and beats up a guy pissing on a wall and steals his hoody. He immediately fits in with the crowd in that hoody, but Chakka who is at the race doesn't buy it and another fight ensues. Blanks gut-punches a massive dude to the ground and Piper shows up, let's Billy into his car and they both get caught up in a mad car chase that ends in explosions when Piper blows the pursuers car up.

The action really just doesn't stop. Billy goes to all the Kasajian fronts (a car chop shop, and some sort of Japanese tea house/brothel?) and messes the places and occupants right up. He always tags 'Tara' on the wall before he leaves, a nice note for Kasajian. Blanks justifies it all by saying he is "protecting home and family". Blanks and Piper keep crossing paths, one saving the other one's arse, until finally they agree that their reasons are the same - revenge - and work together to take down Kasajian.

As well as kicking arse the movie has some pretty funny moments. Piper busts into Kasajian's house while he is having acupuncture done. Piper silently takes over the acupuncture from the doctor at gun point and rams a needle into Kasajian. When asked who he is, he responds with "I'm the apprentice". Blanks busts up a card game by shooting blindly through the wall and demanding "I want Tara back. One of you will live! One of you will live!", so the quickest guy blows the other players away to ensure his own safety. Then Blanks knocks him out anyway. Blank's 'action face' is hysterical too (see last screenshot).

Blanks really can't act but it doesn't matter, Piper can get by okay. This movie is so much fun and keeps giving and giving, never once being let down by too much plot exposition or dull drama. Lots of slow-mo fights, lots of explosions and LOTS of shootouts. It even has a fantastic final climax with Blanks and Piper in separate fights; Piper with his fists and Blanks with twin machine guns. This IS the movie you want to watch tonight with other aficionados of bad action. They don't get much better than this. Bring the popcorn and enjoy the ride.

The Video:

I reviewed the fullscreen R2 disc put out by Boulevard Entertainment. The video and audio are perfectly fine; the picture isn't that sharp or detailed but the colours are nice and the appearance overall is pleasing. The audio is clear and the gunfire and explosions dynamic. IMDB lists this as filmed in 1.85:1 ratio; if that is correct then I didn't notice any footage obviously missing off the side of the screen, and I don't think there is any DVD release in that scope available.

The only thing letting down the presentation is the god-awful menu they used on the DVD. It looks like it was made with some sort of My First DVD program, with a bad animated sky background, jerky-motion preview of the movie in the centre and soothing elevator music playing in the background. There is even a menu option for watching the trailer but it is not selectable! Just lazy. Runtime 88 minutes.

Sourced From:

eBay UK for $5 + shipping.

Trailer:

More Screens: