Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying (1999)

Tagline:

They took the wrong flight to cure their fear.

Back of DVD:

After an otherwise routine take-off, a violent episode of turbulence rips through the massive plane leaving passengers and crew disabled and a sadistic terrorist (Jeffrey Nordling) in control of the plane. As the terrifying flight unfolds, a nerdy aircraft engineer (Craig Sheffer) and the group's aspiring flight attendant (Jennifer Beals) make contact with an air traffic controller (Tom Berenger) in a desperate attempt to regain control of the plane.

Movie Review:

I'll say off the cuff that I've not seen Turbulence. It stars Ray Liotta and received Razzie nominations for "Worst Actress" and "Worst Reckless Disregard for Human Life and Public Property". So with that ringing endorsement, I present to you the sequel Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying.

After a false start - a scared guy on a plane opens the hatch only to reveal to the audience that it's just a demonstration plane on the ground - we finally get on with the real flight proper, which happens to be filled with people who have a fear of flying. We see footage of some guys hands assembling what must be a bomb; the evil music playing in the background tells us this. We get a quick introduction to the passengers as they chat to each other before take-off and we are meant to believe that the sketchy-looking foreigners that get on the plane last are the obvious terrorist plot device for the movie.

One by one, starting with the co-pilot, passengers start falling unconscious. Blame is quickly pointed at the sketchy foreigners, and like something out of Murder on the Orient Express a corpse is uncovered in the cupboard. Plenty of "What the hell is going on here?", "There are innocent people on this plane!" and "God help us." type lines abound. We're in by the books, made-for-TV land here folks.

Seen Passenger 57? Seen Executive Decision, or even the Michael Dudikoff rip-off, Executive Command? Then you've seen this. Turbulence 2 is pretty stock standard stuff. A mixed bag of flyers - cocky guys, annoying teens, old bats with heart problems - trying to not get killed by the crazy terrorists, occasionally trying to overthrow them with help from the cabin crew, and the smart guy who knows planes but has never flown one (Craig Sheffer), easily hacking into the communication system to talk with ground control who just happens to be Tom Berenger who has to help him land the plane. Oh and the terrorist has enough biological weapons stored in the cargo hold on the plane to take out a city block. Turbulence 2 was so tedious I've been putting off actually writing the review. This should have been review number 43 or something but here we are at 49, the sun is shining outside and I'm finally typing this up.

That last line sounded pretty damning. Look, it's all right I suppose and if it was on TV again I would sit through it. But Christ is this an average movie. Nothing exciting really happens. The plot twist in the middle is obvious from the beginning. All the actors (a bunch of "that guy from the other thing" actors) do an acceptable, though completely uninspiring job. And poor Tom Berenger. He is SO BORED in this and it's a relief at the end of the movie when he finally leaves the tower and walks onto the tarmac. I could almost see the cue cards he was reading from, because he surely didn't try to memorise these lines, especially the endless technical jargon. Just another paycheck eh Tom. I guess Jeffrey Nordling isn't bad as a terrorist but he isn't manic enough. These movies only work when you get someone like John Malkovich playing the bad guy in a completely over-the-top fashion.

Theres about half a dozen false scares by using the old turbulence in bad weather plot device, if that wasn't obvious enough from the movie's name, that provide a few attempts for passengers to overpower the terrorists. That's about the limit of the action unfortunately, combined with a couple of gunshots and the death of one guy by Nordling who has knives literally up his sleeve. The Navy get involved somehow and are given orders to shoot the plane down with unconvincing CG missiles shot from a stock footage navy vessel. With the use of only two interior locations, and simulating turbulence by shaking the camera and filming people stumbling around the plane ala Star Trek, I estimate this movie's budget at a quarter of a million dollars - most of which went to the "star" Tom Berenger's fee and paying for the stock footage.

You've seen this. Maybe not with the title Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying, but you have and you know it, and you've seen it done far better. Nothing to see here, move along.

The Video:

Reviewed the deleted R4 disc that has a bit soft but generally pleasing 16:9 picture and adequate sound. Runtime 97 minutes.

Sourced From:

Another $2 bargain from a closing video shop.

Trailer:

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Bloodfist 2050 (2005)

Tagline:

To avenge his brother's death, Alex Danko must enter the erotic and deadly criminal underground of the near future where he finds the fight of his life!

Back of DVD:

In a brutal future Los Angeles, where the streets run red with the blood of fallen fighters, street fighter Alex Danko (five times world martial arts champion Matt Mullins) searches desperately to find his brother's killer. To find the truth, Alex must enter the vicious world of "THE PIT", an arena where extreme, and often lethal, martial arts are a way of life. Will Alex prove himself and learn the truth? Or will the pit claim yet another casualty?

Movie Review:

The Direct to Video Connoisseur recently reviewed the first Bloodfist movie, a genre classic starring Don "The Dragon" Wilson. I picked up the whole series of eight movies for a total of $16 which was a bit of a bargain but I am yet to watch a single one of them. Recently I discovered when pilfering through bargain bins that there was a ninth movie made, Bloodfist 2050, that did not star Don but starred five-times world martial arts champion Matt Mullins and was somewhat of a remake of the first one.

The movie literally starts with a bang as we are thrown into the deep end of a battle between Mad Max type thugs and 2019: After the Fall of New York type thugs with tonnes of gunfire and explosions and a car chase of Matt Mullins trying to escape it all in his Interceptor rip off. I have no real idea why this sequence was tacked onto the front of a pit fighting movie but I think the producers are trying to remind us it's the post-apocalyptic future of 2050. Mullins hits his afterburner and the footage goes into double speed.

Before the fights had even started I knew I was onto gold. I was also double checking the production year. 2005, really? This made-for-TV movie looks like it came out in 1987. I would usually go on about the video quality in a separate section, but I couldn't leave this till the end. Perhaps it was the old Filipino cameras that were used or some ancient film stock, but Bloodfist 2050 could easily be disguised as a prequel to the original movie from 1989. If it wasn't for a handful of bad CG renders of the cityscape and the techno playing in the nightclubs you wouldn't be able to tell. There is also quite a lot of stock footage used here but I won't ruin it for you; it's fun trying to pick the scenes out. I will say that not all of the titty-bar scenes were filmed for Bloodfist 2050. And I'm pretty sure the opening war is lifted from The New Gladiators or something else from the Concorde vaults.

Speaking of titty-bars (like that segway?) that's where we end up next. After a minor war outside a fighting ring between various gangs, we are introduced briefly to a fight underway between two combatants, one wearing running mascara and the other kickboxing his head in. After the fight the winner goes out to celebrate by watching one of the biggest pair of breasts I've seen on camera. It's all too much for the tired and inebriated fighter who goes outside for a slash. Out of the darkness a ninja attacks him and the guy dies, then a bum steals his jacket. Victory is fleeting.

Matt Mullins arrives at the city gates and pays a blind man to watch his car (?), then goes to his brothers apartment. His brother is not there but his friends Randy and Nadia are and they tell Mullins that his brother Johnny is dead. If you hadn't worked it out, Mullins' brother is the guy who was killed by the ninja. Immediately he wants revenge and ends up in a five-way fight with one of the gangs in a factory. This is pretty sweet; kicking out windows, throwing barrels, spin kicks, cartwheels... Mullins' is very good at his martial art, like a modern Van Damme. Then Joe Sabatino turns up and shoots into the air, scaring the gang away. He tells Mullins that he looks like he needs a drink and takes him to, you guessed it, the titty bar.

Now this bit is fantastic. We are treated to a full strip show by the very hot Beverly Lynne (star of such classy movies as Bikini Royale II and Bikini Chain Gang) who incidentally is married to Glen Meadows, the guy that plays Randy, her brother in this movie. The strip is fine but what is fantastic about it is it's filmed with every single transition effect you can possibly imagine. I'm talking page rolls, star wipes, venetian blinds - all the good stuff you used to find on home video editing hardware from Tandy and Jaycar (or Radio Shack for our US readers). It's hilarious.

Anyway, the fights! Mullins befriends Sabatino who turns out to be a cop and has connections that can get him into the ring. They go to watch the reigning champion fight, the Great Ahmed Khan (featuring the Great Drawn-on Tattoos), Filipino Monsour Del Rosario, also in Bloodfist II but as a different character. Speaking of same actor/different character, the ring announcer here is Joe Mari Avellana - Kwong in Bloodfist and Su in Bloodfist II! When announcing the rules of the match he notices two guys making an illegal side-bet. Obviously the house gets no money from this so Joe yells to them "No side bets!". He is ignored, so Joe shoots them with a flare gun. Baha!

The audio in this is pretty terrible, but simultaneously awesome. The dialog is muffled and when filmed indoors it has a bad echo to it. The fight sounds are great though with those fantastic chop-sockey fight sounds from 1970's kung-fu movies making up the majority of the fight sounds. When there's no fights we get dark synth soundtrack that is reminiscent of early 80's Doctor Who. Sometimes it's played so loud it makes it even harder to hear the dialogue. Top stuff.

Mullins suspects Khan killed his brother and confronts him, to which he replies "Watch your ass.. it's gonna be mine!" Then Mullins and Sabatino go... that's right! To the strip club! This time the Beverly Lynne is covering herself in moisturising cream. Mullins' enjoys the show. That's it. Eventually Mullins' is called for his first fight against some huge guy called The Monster and positively smashes him with his kickboxing skills and even does some backflips. Then to the titty-bar. It's a great cycle, and eventually we get a softcore scene with Mullins and Beverly Lynne. I know some people might just be shouting "get on with the fights!" at their screens but I thought the excessive displays of the female form in Bloodfist 2050 were a great if highly amusing addition. And don't get me wrong, there are plenty of fights to be had.

Randy gets up for his fight against Khan but gets his arse handed to him and his neck broken. Medics perform CPR but I don't know what they hoped to achieve. You can't glue his neck back together with shock paddles. Ultimately the movie ends with a great fight in another factory setting between Mullins and his brother's killer.

Roger Corman produced all nine Bloodfist movies according to IMDB. He had even more staying power in this franchise than Don "The Dragon" Wilson. He is also reunited by the director of the first two Bloodfist's, Cirio H. Santiago. I think they did a fantastic job overall. This is such a fun fight movie that doesn't overstay it's welcome, clocking in at only 78 minutes. There is little pointless plot exposition; just the basic revenge theme, the fights and of course the tits. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we are all here for.

The Video:

Like I mentioned in the review, the video is pretty poor a lot of the time but that comes down to how it was filmed. The DVD is adequate though there is a lot of noise in some darker scenes. The sound is a mixed bag; the fights sound fine but the dialog was clearly recorded with a microphone attached to someones lapel. Runtime 78 minutes.

Sourced From:

Somewhere random for $2, which is the RRP! Best two bucks I ever spent.

Trailer:

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Repo Jake (1990)

Tagline:

Jake was ready to lead a quiet life... but things just keep hotting up.

Back of DVD:

Jake Baxter takes a job as a repo-man with hopes of living the quiet life. Plans go sour when he's whipped into supersonic action involving a vicious crime lord, a mob of angry car owners, a sadistic porno ring and lastly a brutal, illegal and very lethal car race known throughout L.A.'s underworld as the "Slam Track".

Movie Review:

Dan Haggerty (famous for being Grizzly Adams) stars in this earlier production from PM Entertainment and it's a seriously mixed bag. It starts off brilliantly. Jake is this loveable, huggable lumberjack type who is moving to LA to earn the big bucks as a repo man. Swinging harmonica blues plays in the background as Jake shuffles off his coach and walks down the street carrying a portable TV. He's such a nice guy he pays the first busker he sees. Right in front of him a woman is mugged by some thug and Jake is immediately to the rescue, catching the guy and throwing him through the window of a pizza shop multiple times. This heroic display pleases the woman, Jenny (Dana Bentley), who suggests Jake rents a room in the same building she is in. His landlord looks like Elvira in a wedding dress.

So Jake starts his job repossessing cars and we meet the most cliched team you could possibly find in 1990. You get the tall guy with long blonde hair - called Blondie I might add - that looks like Dave Mustaine from Megadeth, the wiry old man that's been in the job since ought six, the accountant-type of guy that's never managed to successfully repossess a single car, the "ethnic" guy with a heavy New York Italian accent they refer to as a spick and the morbidly obese black guy that writes impromptu rap songs. They all work for an irritable guy called Bulldog. I'm not making this shit up.

Jake goes on many repo jobs and they all end in various "hilarious" ways. The first one he gets chased by the owner and pinned to the windscreen while the car does donuts. Hysterical! The next one he uses his past military training (I forgot to mention, he's an ex marine! This guy that could push a tree down, an ex marine!) to repossess a helicopter which he can't fly properly and the owner hangs onto the side of when in mid air. Amazing! He goes after a car at night owned by a huge ex-con type who he calls Tiny and get's thrashed around the parking lot, until Jake grabs him by the balls and won't let go. Side-splitting comedy! All the while the worst, absolute worst, Casio keyboard demo music is playing.

There are some serious random scenes in this, but none more so than the scene where Jake goes back to his apartment, switches on his black and white TV and watches some cowboy movie while drinking soup and eating half a loaf of bread. This goes on for a minute. THAT'S IT. It went absolutely nowhere! Jake and his new neighbour Jenny also try developing a romantic relationship which is so funny to watch, especially when during a reading for a play she is auditioning for - again, I'm not making this up - she leans in and kisses his walrus face. I burst out laughing. I'm sure bearded guys need love too but man did it make me laugh.

Ultimately Jake gets involved in a derby race by one of his colleagues who has a muscle car that "can't lose". They even managed to make the race scenes tiresome unfortunately, and it gets worse when the local pimp puts a 50K bet on Jake to win and uses his new girlfriend Jenny as collateral. The pimp has a sidekick that has the best flattop hair I've ever seen though.

There are also boobs. Not only do we get to watch Jake try to repossess cars, but we see some of his colleagues too. One of them falls for the old "maybe we can work something out" routine and has ridiculous sex with a bimbo girl in an RV. There's more boobs when we see the bad guy pimp filming a porno movie. The scene was purely there so they could say they had boobs in the movie.

You would think this all sounds awesome, a veritable goldmine of craptacular entertainment. And you'd be right for the first twenty minutes. I thought this was going to be the best movie ever based on the start. Then it just gets tiring. The jokes aren't funny, the bad guy is rubbish and there are far too many secondary characters you don't give a shit about. There's a whole scene where some of the guys put lipstick on the cheeks of another guy and send him on a repo job. This is the kind of comedy you expect in an after-school special, not something that has a picture of a lumberjack with a shotgun on the cover. Incidentally, that photo must have been taken especially for the cover as I don't remember Jake ever holding a gun once in this movie.

I'm disappointed that the premise of a repo man with a shotgun kicking arse was not explored. Instead they went for the PG action comedy with bad 'dads jokes' and added softcore sex scenes to get the R rating, with only ONE explosion. Worth a watch with friends who are already drunk and on a high from a Billy Blanks movie and need some light entertainment, but warn them first. You might want to fast forward through the tedium and laugh at the highlights - smashing through the window, breaking Tiny's nuts, kissing the girl, guy with the flat top, etc. The movie ends with the fat guy rapping over the credits, which you can see in the trailer below. It sums the movie up nicely I think.

The Video:

Soft but representative of the source material and generally quite clear. The audio was fine but the low budget is evident when interior shots are filmed with a bad microphone causing echoes. Still, for this film the presentation is fine. Runtime 86 minutes. NOTE the following screenshots were located elsewhere, my DVD wouldn't read in the Mac for some reason.

Sourced From:

eBay on a double disc with Forced to Kill for a couple of bucks.

Trailer:

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